Last Sat, we went to a famous name analysis. I hv heard about him from my colleagues...it seems he is pretty accurate in reading name. What is a name analysis? Basically, he reads your life, characteristic, wealth and health by just looking at your name. He will calculate your Chinese name stroke and analysis from there.

In fact it is D who wants to get his name change. Somehow he feels his name is not right. Since it is a free consultation, Eunice and I tagged along too. Actually, Eunice is not interested at all to check her name. She was like grumbling why i include her in.

We have waited for almost half a year for our appointment and definitely we are not going to miss it right. My only intention is to ask on my career path - what field will suits me? But i didn't achieve my objective. Can you believe it if i were to tell you that i have forgotten to ask him?

During the consultation, time really flies. He speaks fast and it feels shorts. Maybe the waiting for the period of 6 months is feels way much longer than our consultation time.

D has changed his name when he was young. This was done by his parents. So when the Name Analysis master ( HanLim) asked him "if i were to tell you that your old name is your name, can you accept this?" .....D said "YES!"...

There's where he started to comment. According to him, it's pointless to get a name changed if it's does not obtain a full acknowledgment in your heart. If your old name still exist in your heart then you would still own the characteristic or life of your old name. So what is his view of his new name. One word "GOOD! Only drawback is Stubborn". How about his old name ? "Extremely BAD"

His old name indicates that

• Loner. Either his relationship wont work out regardless how long it is OR his marriage will be broken ( Is that the reason why he's not married yet till this age?)
• No or very slim changes of getting a child. If he has a child, he would need to sacrifice some lucks or wealth.
• Will POH CHOY ( broken luck) till age 80
• Got luck but cant retain. Luck or wealth will flow out for car damage, parent's medical etc etc ( He's right. Whenever, his car has prob, he knows he will strike 4D. In another words, if he strike 4D, he would need to repair his car or something else)
• In terms of career, he is like the 2nd wife - can never move up his ladder. (This is very true, he has been working for many years in the previous company and many colleagues and higher management acknowledge his ability but somehow, he was not given a change to move up. )
• He will feel a drop in his life when he is 32 and another drop at the age of 41 and another drop at the age of 50+ ( D kept quiet until the end of the consultation, he admitted that everything didn't go well at the age of 32 onwards when he got back to Malaysia. (Wow, is he so accurate??)

So how about Eunice and me? He elaborated our name together. Reason being is we have the same first two name -surname and middle name. He seems to elaborate Eunice name more, maybe her name is more serious or he knows eunice is even a tougher person to convince to change name.haha. His comment on both of our name:

• Eunice is a firm and hard person. She is very sure of what she wants and have plan for her life. She wont be easily influence by others (Initially i wasn't too agree with him. Eunice to me is such an indecisive person -even taking a day leave, she wont consult me a few times. Even she is going to decide on whether to work locum or not, she would ask me a thousand times. How could she be a firm person? Then he asked and explained further.

Master: Do you pray? What type of GOD do you pray to?
Eunice : Yeah. Hmm ....any CHINESE GOD. Coz we are taoism
Master: Would you think of go to temple to pray or follow BIG group?Haha ..

Hahaha. Obvious she never thought of going to temple to pray. Only whenever mom or i
asked then she follows.
(The more listen to his explanation further and recalling our moments together, i started to realize that he was RIGHT. Eunice is a stubborn person...she will not change her mind once she has made the decision. For even a small thing like tasting a kaya puff. She wont even take a bite of the kaya puff once she said she is filling. Regardless how hard you tried to persuade her, she wont get influence. Also she wont seek for fortune teller. The Hanlim master commented that Eunice won't even consider of changing her name today even aft the consultation because she won't believe. It may not happen or she might take a few months to decide to change.)

• As for me, i am very very indecisive person. I cant decide on my matter. Other people's matter, i know how to advise and decide for them BUT when come to own matter, i would seek others for opinion or easily influence by people. Sometimes will make the wrong decision. I am also a soft person - basically easily influence. Other people make take advantage or take granted of me (It's true! Undeniably true! I hate to admit but i know i'm an indecisive person. Especially on my career, education, love..simple things like where to eat, what to do etc etc...haiz, basically all)
• Eunice owns a majesty name. BUT this majesty need to venture his own path. I also need to venture my own path. Not many "kui ren" ( people's help). ( I hope otherwise)
• In terms of career, we are very useful to our bosses but we are not appreciated or rewarded well. Due to my soft personality, i would either keep quiet and continue working OR i will move out/change career -let go easily. But as for Eunice, due to her tough and firm personality, she would remain and fight for her rights. But still she will not be rewarded. Her ability can go much further than anyone can expect. Eunice also has the ability to own a business by herself in future. (True True True. Eunice was given an opportunity to set up a new pharmacy centre in Emergency Ward. She has everything done on her own without much supervision. She is bored in the department ald. In terms of learning, not much. Just a lot of paper work. Bosses are throwing more unwanted job responsibility like replacing a staff who always apply for leave and she is require to help out outpatient. When she requested for re-shuffle, she didn't get it-the alone person fail to be shuffle to other department! Me? The same...in my previous company, tons and tons of work are thrown to me. I just take in ...till one day, i can't take it anymore, i left. I don't want such kind of scenario to happen again. i hate changing career- enter to new industry and start all over again. when can i get job stabled? what type of job fits me? I need an answer)
• in terms of intelligence, we both have it. But he did commented that i have some shakiness in my education. He asked if i completed my studies and i said yes. (maybe during my Master course)
• Health - BAD. We are easily fall sick for sinus, headache and indigestion. It will get worse when we are at the age of 32. Eunice's condition is worse than me. It seems, aft her pregnancy , she wont has the tendency to get ladies sickness. ( Me is just headache but Eunice has sinus and indigestion)
• Eunice's name is a Widow's name - either not married or divorce or become a widow
• Eunice is difficult to conceive
• As for me, my love relationship will have prob and will not last even many years together. Love married also will not last long.
• For my headache, he advise me to remove my bed lamp above my head and re-allocate the fluorescent light away (Maybe generally that happens to everyone who sleeps under lights)

I'm sad and become worried after getting his consultation. I'm concern on Eunice's future especially on her health and love. I always hope Eunice will fall in love to a sweet and loving guy and eventually get married and have a happy family....she deserve someone special. My six sense always tell me that Eunice will own a happier family than i do. But after hearing what the HanLim Master said, i'm shocked and hope it is not true. Haih....first time we heard such a bad comment on our life in every aspect. Feeling bad...fear .... fear....and fear

By changing our name, can this really helps?? Btw, we also need mum to believe and agree on this.

i emailed him twice on last weekend to express my feelings...
i hv run out of idea to express my feelings to him...basically i am speechless and helpless over things that happened to us.
he has taken things for granted and didnt appreciate my good intention..
i felt i hv lost myself...
i used to like to go shopping...
yeah it is true that i hardly could afford to buy/shop as i used to be...
but that doesn't mean that i do not like shopping.
i still wish to go shopping..but it never seems to be one of our weekend's activities.
So what have we been doing over the weekends? sleep, home, internet and gym...gym and home again....basically most are what he likes to do over weekends.
i hv entered to his lifestyle and i hv ost myself.

i love to explore for new and interesting food.
to be honest, if i am financially strong, i would go myself or with eunice or friends
unfortunately i am earning just enough for my daily meals..
so i tried to avoid meeting up my friends...
but i still wish he could bring me to explore new food.
it has been more than 1 year we are together and he has been promising me once, twice, and more..but no effort taken..
i started to miss myself and i want to go back to seek for myself...

After reading the emails, he did CARE for me more...
talk to me sweetly, hug me tight...

i like the most is when he hug me tight at night...
he would rest his face on my shoulder, nose and mouth facing my neck...
it's warm...

~Monday Blue~

I'm on Monday Blue...
a couple of my colleagues on holiday while some are out for app.
Only left a few in the office...
unfortunately my boss is also in the office otherwise i will be freely surfing internet...hahaha
he did assign work for me but i am so lazy to do it....
i wish time to go to gym....
i want to leave office early today...
i m not in the mood to work!

I can't wait to go to TAIWAN...looking forward to the trip ;) In fact, i'm thinking of next trip to Taiwan. I know we can't cover all of the places in Taiwan for one trip. So, i don't mind going there a few trips!

I hope my dad won't complain. Before he goes, he already starts complaining about the duration, weather, places etc etc and commented that he rather stay in hotel. What a pessimistic person! Although we hv expected him to react so when traveling with us, but we just can't help but feeling irritated about it! He would enjoy his trip without much complaint if this is with his friends but with us, he has thousand and one reason for every single place we go. Sigh, hope he doesn't spoil our mood. I really want to enjoy myself to fullest !

I had a long cried the night before yesterday...
tears rolling down uncontrollable...
it was a slow and dragging day on Monday with low momentum to work...moody feelings
the same old feelings of uncertainty of my work and income...should i continue or it's time to move? Do i fit the job?

Then it comes towards the end of the day, my dad called for a discussion. The announced that he is going to purchase a house for sis. Jokingly, he said is as for her wedding gift. Mom and aunt was laughing and said "she doesn't even have a bf yet. Hahaha...." But the first question i ask my dad is "What about me??" He said later. Then mom followed with " you can afford to pay the installment even dad purchase one for you."

YES they are RIGHT. I can't even afford to pay for it so what am i hoping for?
i know dad will definately buy one for me but just not now because i am not prepare to do so.
My current financial situation doesn't permit me to invest or even for me to survive.

I see many successful people who earn tons of millions in property line BUT there are more who fail. Which will i end up be? I'm not young anymore and i can't afford to waste more time
What should I do?

It has been raining since morning...
From the office, it looks like snowing outside.. The rain is tiny and you would have even realise it's raining if you are in the office.
not many ppl in the office early of the day...your could hardly hear a phone rings..
the whole environment in the office is calm and peaceful.
I feel relaxed aft hectic days last week but i dont feel calm and peace..
haha...you must be thinking i am insane- a person who doesn't know how to enjoy life.
if you are in my position, you will understand how i feel.
every minute is money to me. I wish i am busy and able to close case and earn some bucks.
haha

today, i was talking to my colleague about her and my past work experience...
then later, my team's colleague asked

Lucky girl: Hey, you thought of leaving ar?
Me : Why do you ask so?
Lucky girl: No i overheard both of your conversation about jobs etc
Me : Ooo...we are just talking about our past experience only
Lucky girl: OIC...I thought u intend to leave
Me : Hmm...why would you think so?
Lucky girl: No la...not market also not very good ma
Me : Ya lo...you can survive meh with only your basic??
Lucky girl: Oh ya,,,,i can. i dont spend much one.
Me : In my heart "yeah..definately la, all her expenses and financial commitment is taken
care by her bf. Of course no worries la. Otherwise how a person can survive with
RM 2,000 only

Haih...Am i making the right decision to continue to stay? People surrounding has been persuading me to consider of changing job...my family and friends particularly.
I took a big courage to move out from corporate world, do i want to give up so easily? If i insist of staying, would i be earning good money? or am i just wasting my time? What is my destiny?

He pleaded for another chance...
I ask "How many more do you need?"
He said "One...i will prove to you that i love you and you are important to me and will be my 1 st priority"

Fine...since i hv given so many chances...i dont mind in giving another one..
i really hope i m significant to his heart and he keep his words

* Hoping for miracles to happen *

Hope is getting weaker...

Is silent the BEST remedy?

He din contact me and i also don't feel like contacting him. Why?
i don't know what to say when i contact him
i don't know how to react when he is silent
and
why should i contact him if he doesn't?
for the mistake he made, he expect me to contact him?

Today is just not my day...
hmmm....not today...this morning...
i have not end my day yet...maybe later today, my luck would be better.

I woke up damn late ( my sis didnt wake me up before she left to work)
my dog is not tied ( my aunt left it un-tied)
i tied my dog and the chain came off...and he is jumping hi and low to get out of the house...
then the contractor next to my hse advise me to move daddy's car as the contraction work may damage the car...
i was sweating early in the morning rushing out and handling the unnecessary matter...
i ended up open the door big to release his wish to get out.
i Left home at 8.55am...so damn late!
the traffic is extremely bad...i arrive office at 9.45 am! Almost an hour late to work!

Me and him had an argument again...
i realised that i wasnt his first priority...
to be exact, i knew it from the very first but now i accept the fact that i am NOT.
Too many incident to prove me right!
i am no longer angry
no longer gets crazy and do insane stuff...
i am calm and quiet not knowing what to do or to say anymore
i wrote an email 2 days ago- expressing my feelings- very straight forward...
however the next day, i went to his email acc and deleted the email!
Will i be too harsh to do so? Should i care for his feelings? This is why i decided to delete the email and swallow the whole damn shit
But he left me unattended now ....makes me feel regretted to delete the email.
i care for his feelings...do he care for me?

this sunday is my family event and i guess he will wait to this sunday...till i have no choice but to give in...
i hate this approach!

We hv a good weekend...
simple and nothing extra-ordinary ..
There is a long list of task to be completed ...pending for quite some time in fact...
last weekend we managed to get some done ;)
we went to look for handsfree, look for ppl to upgrade my iPhone ( so outdated), gym, eat crab, etc etc...

Happy,tired,sad,disappointed.who can express my feeling to?

He just sms me " It's raining quite heavy in Klang. If it does in KL, drive safely"

The message sounds sweet...
Too bad..it's otherwise when we are having our silent war nw.
Like what i hv said, he will think and care for you when he is free
But when I need his care and love most....he is missing in action!
How do we handle this?

I dont know what is next?
Of course i expect he puts in more effort to persuade me like doing or getting me something special
but let's not hope much....Usually he just talk or appear in front of you expecting everything is alright....
Just pray miracle to happen...

Can i have a break and have a peace of mind?
I am exhausted with work and life. Internally pressured with work. No case close - no income. No income - everything is a prob . I have to rely on ppl beside me for my living and entertainment.
I cant seek the solution at home coz i am old enough to take care of my financial and i should leave my parents no worries about me.

Sometimes the pressure comes when my dad feels insecure about our commitment to him. If we are late in giving allowance, he will start grumbling. Honestly my allowance is not even enough for for his 1 trip to genting! So what is the big deal. If i am late in giving him money for the car repairs, he again grumble. lately he is so temperamental in everything. He gets angry whn ppl disobey. Angry when ppl advise him. Angry whenever he wants. Haiz, I dare not put myself into trouble since i am already filled with all sorts of trouble. So, i always stay in room and avoid seeing him.

So i hv very high hope in my love relationship. I hope to be pampered and care all the time. I hope he can give me some security and peacefulness in my heart and soul. But sad to say, we always hit into arguments.

Who can tell me what i should look forward to? Seems all chapters in my life has no good ending.

I always ask when can this changed? I tried very hard to be positive at work, talk less at home to avoid mistake and give in most time in the arguments i hv with my bf. But nothing change, all still remains bad.

Luckily i have my sis - otherwise i am lifeless.

Almost every weekends, we will hit into arguments or disagreement, when can we end this? I am getting tired and if this continues, i am not sure how long more can i last.

Maybe all this while he is a free bird - no one control and no commitment. He do what he likes and walk the life the way he wants to. Sometimes i do wonder if he is ready to settle down at ground. He always ask me to give him time. Not that i didnt but it has been more than a year but everything seem unchanged. I will be glad if he make the first move or initiative to change but not as expected.

My instinct may be wrong but it is so strong that is undeniable. Many incidents have proved me right. But i dont know how to deliver the message to him. He will never agree or admit. His 1st priority is always HIMSELF!

For instance, he wanted to meet up with his ex colleague for a farewell celebration this weekend- Sat ( yesterday). I wanted to follow him back to Malacca but not joining his colleague because no one know about us. last week he promised that he will include me in his weekend plans and will inform me once he decided. I waited until last thurs, nothing is mentioned to me. Fine ! So i asked on Fri morning. He then told me that his boss just sms him this morning that there is a prayer event on fri evening so he may not going to join his ex-colleague. Most probably will join them in Malacca on Sat morning. In the evening, he said he is still busy at work. Aft work, when i asked, he then told me that he will be joining the ex-colleague immediately because they keep calling. I was frustrated! really frustrated. How many times, he changes his plans and each time the plan was changed , i was not informed! Why I only get to know about it after asking him in depth? If i am his priority, he will cares about me, my feelings and my worries. If i am his priority, he will inform me before he decide or immediately aft he decide. BUt that was not the case. When i got frustrated then he gave so many reasons that he cant inform me etc etc. I am not in favor to listen to it anymore.

Then the next day, he sms-ed me that he has to go Klang to finish his un-done work. Fine....but no sms or call aft that single sms. Whole day i am waiting...and waiting and waiting. Looking at my hp every minute. At last i gave in and sms him. He then told me that he is busy and the boss is beside me. When i am working in previous company - i was so occupied with work and always work till late nite. He is angry and we hitted into big arguments. When i newly joined this company, i rarely sms him, he is angry and again we had a huge arguments. I changed to at least sms or call him when i am at work. If he doesnt like to be treated in this way, why does he treats me so???

I gave in again...before i went for dinner, i sms him in case he wanted to join. But when he called

Him: What happen?
Me: What what happen?
Him: Why u din pick up my calls?
Me: I am driving just nw ( i dont hv handsfree which he promise to buy for me 6 months ago)
Him: U know i cant go dinner with u right? U know i need to go back to malacca right?
Me: ?????? How do i know? I wasnt even informed about anything?
Him: I left my stuff in malacca, i definately need to go back wat
Me: How can u assume that i know everything when i was not even informed? How do i know that u still go home aft overnite wit your ex-colleague for the celebration? How do i know u left your stuff at home and u need to go home? U called and assume that i know everything? What kind of attitude u have when u call me?
Him: I am very tired with my work and i dont want to talk about all this
Me: Then we dont talk. bye

I am really really angry and sad. This is HIM. Whn he is at wrong, the first thing he do is to point at u as if u are wrong. I feel so innocent and be blame for all causes.

When he is free, he wants to cares and want to know everything about u . But when he is busy or occupy with his stuff, he dont care and wont ask about u .

We have gone into silent moment again today. I dont know what will happen next. I guess is again his sweet words and promise not to repeat and i will give in eventually. I am so tired and bored to listen to all his promises but nothing has put into action. I am not 16 years old girl in puppy love. Today listen to sweet words or promises and tomorrow we can forget what we have said. At this age of mine, i look forward to stability and security.

With him, i am never in peace. My heart is either rush to the top of happiness OR being push down to ground from the top. I am tired and I am no longer looking for such kind of love. With my ex-bf, i always have a piece of mind. He gives me the security and assurance. I hv never worry or ask much about his activities because i know that i am his 1 st priority and he will keep me informed in everything he wanna do or has done. He will discuss with me most of the thing before he make a decision although he knows he is still the decision maker.

But with my current bf, i am worry high and low. I always guess and guess what he is thinking or going to do. I always hope that he will change as what he has promised. I have even come to a stage where i beg him to fullfil what he had said and put his focus on the reality. Stop flying on sky and it's time to land on the ground. It's time that he gives ppl an assurance of his life, work and love. I would say, he is the luckiest guy in my life...the guy that i gave in most whenever we have an argument, the guy that i will still call him when we hit into argument, the guy that i cried and filled with pain most but still give in at last. I am always the luckiest women when i am with my ex, i really hope one day i will become the luckiest women again. I am just an ordinary lady that requires a partner to pamper, love and care all time.

Ppl said - dont expect to change a guy. Is that true?
Or...I am still not the person he loves and care most. If i am the person he loves and cares most,he will definately do anything for her.
His mine is filled with memories of his life in Taiwan and US but very little bout us. Very little about things he has to do for me. Very little about things he has promised me. That's why he doesnt put in his heart whatever he has said to me or promise to do for me.

Of course he is not that bad. For the specialties of traveling, i do feel great to have him. He brings me to experience and travel to many places but...if we want to own a family of our own, there are more then this that i am looking for. I am looking for a steady, stabil and secure partner! I really hope he is working towards this direction...

Why she is so lucky? She has all the cases closed without much hassle and effort. She has client calling her to look for office space even at bad times. She always secure the highest commission just because landlord willing to pay more for her tenant. Why things seem to be so easy for her and not for me and others? Is she lucky or what?

In terms of effort, discipline and professionalism, i am not losing to her. The only things i could think of is her luck. So when is mine? Or would i be fated with such luck? Am i designated to be in this field? Chinese fortune believe everyone's path is fated. So there are certain jobs that fits you and may not fit others. If this is true then what job fit me? Am i fated to be in this field?

We had a happy time for the last two days in Genting..
Although we lost in Casino but we do hv fun together...

Everything was going very well until yesterday evening. We suppose to go to Sg Lembing ( Panorama Hill) for hiking today at 2am . In fact it is just 25min away.

We got back home at about 5 pm and wanted to get some rest and sleep early for the early travel. He wanted to get online and claimed that he needs to find some info for the hiking. Of course, with such reason i cant complaint much. Also, it is too early to get to sleep.

I know he must be going into poker and was telling him not to otherwise he will stuck in poker and push the info search till last minute and this will eventually hit into late sleep. Honestly i really dislike the fact that he is addicted to poker. Everyday, if he has a chance to get online, the first thing he do is to log in to facebook poker. He plays pokers aft dinner, during weekends and public holidays. He will stuck in poker and start neglect ppl, feelings and other important things to be done. I really dont like time to be wasted in such a way. Poker is just an entertainment game which one shall not get addicted.

When he plays poker,
1) he dont listen when u talk to him
2) he join family conversation by hugging the laptop with poker games on
3) Neglect things to be done eg find information for travelling, work etc.

He promised me that he will go online and search for information on good and special food for us to explore. He target to look for 3 places of food each day. But it has been more than 3 months, i dont think he found any yet.

Why a person can get addicted to poker till such an extend? We always hit into arguments due to poker. I get irritated when i see him play poker all the time. There is once where he promise not to touch poker for 3 months but in less than 3 days, he played again. He promise numerous time that he wont play poker again but again and again , this promise is broken. To avoid dissappointment, I told him that i am not stopping him from poker but just hope that he reduce playing poker and starts to focus on real life. But this dont even work! I am very sad...coz this is just such an small matter which i hate to enter into argument.

Today , he said there is nothing to argue about. It is just a poker game ! Of course, he dont realise that what he has cause and neglect with such addiction. How much attention, feelings and life that he has ignored.

I was dissappointed but today i am going for hiking with my parents together and i really wouldnt want to spoilt the mood.

I just had a talk with him. I told him about my feelings but he just turn away from me. He is never a listener. He just want ppl to listen and understand him but not the other way round. That's why he doesnt understand and feel how others felt. That;s why he doesnt changed!

I walked out the room and returned to ask him, how can we resolved this issue but he so heartless and told me off . " I cant get a good sleep with such noisy environment downstairs. You just keep quiet ( lu tiam tiam la), it;s so fan!"

I just felt as if my heart was hardly hit and it just smashed into pieces.
I come with a good intension to resolve the issue and avoid such argument to drag to the travel, but this is what i gotten???

What can i say more?

I lost one case ...expected! A big case in fact but expected because they have been dragging the time to give us a confirmation...at last they take our survey to negotiate a better rental with the landlord. As mentioned, expected they will do so.
Although i hv the most cases compared to my colleagues...but none seems serious! How long more should I be patient?
I have this horrible feelings that I will not be able to close most of the case. Not because I hv no confident to work for it but is the prospect's response- they dont seem serious! Sigh, but i still need to work and provide them all the information. I did alot of work for them but at the end I get nothing. But what can i do? I have no choice! In this market condition, i have to do. If i dont do, others do and get it, then i will lose the job!

Today, a colleague of mine secretly told me that he will resign. There are 3 of us in the team.One has been fully assigned to a project. Now, another one leaving. Left with 2 (including me ). Less competition ...but what to compete also la...not much serious case to close also. I know management is looking for more resources from time to time...

i am going for scuba diving tomorrow !!!

Scuba Scuba Scuba....

I always wish to go for scuba diving...at last i hv the opportunity but why i dont feel the excitement now.
Perhaps i hv not finish my scuba book...i feel the pressure and tension...
This book was handed to me 3 months ago but i only started reading it 2 weeks ago...i deserve it! No complaint!

I heard many interesting, unforgettable moments diving experience but i also heard many incidents causes death and danger to life...
The fear started to take over the excitement portion

can i make it?
you will know by next Tuesday!

Last weekend, a small argument happened between us again. After we cool down,

Me : Can you be more sensitive and care for my feelings?
Him : YES
Me : Can you take a step more to pujuk ( coax) me, rather than sitting/lying down at one location
and keep asking me (1) what happen o? (2) why are you like this? (3) i said sorry already lo.
It feels like very little effort is taken
Him : YES
Him : Ta kou kou
Me : * Shake my head ( relunctant to ta kou kou for a small little things which i have mentioned a
few times. If everything also ta kou kou then it become habitual and taken lightly.

But at last i gave in to ta kou kou. hmm..i hope he takes it seriously.

I have yet to change my temper/attitude fully. There are a couple of times which I lost my temper over small issue and quickly resolve it. Also, a couple of times which I control my temper. Maybe PMS or money pressure or scuba pressure!

I have been wanted to go to temple for past 2 weeks but have yet to go. I feel like buying fruits or flowers to temple and pray for calmness, thanksgiving etc etc

I feel luck is coming to me 2 weeks ago....but nw i have this mix feelings. My fear is growing stronger lately ..the luck seems weak and it's so hard to grab hold of it.
Gosh i hope this negative feelings is not true....

Is my luck coming??
haha...i can feel it and i hope this is TRUE...pls prove to me it is...
It started from....

1. I receive an unexpected payment. It was a follow up work left by previous colleague - which was to chase for payment! It is my lowest priority and least expected closure ( coz supposely to be entitled for the payment, tenancy agreement needs to be executed, however, the previous Landlord is kind enough to give us a fee for the effort/work done.
2. One of my colleague is assigned to handle a marketing project ( which was offered to me but i decline) on full scale basis. Therefore, all the cases the he is handling have to pass down to others. Obviously i am happy because i got the most and i would consider the best prospect. Cross my fingers that i am able to close the case....i really need $$ badly...

I really hope this lucky list will continue to grow longer with good outcome....I need a sustainable progressing career and income ;)

I want to go Tien Hou Kong pai pai....
Because i made a wish more than half a year ago...
and the advise i received is to be patient because the day will be brighten starting Sept...

I have been waiting long for this moment...I hope this come true ;)

I am very happy yesterday...

hmm...
it's very easy to make a girl happy... just a tight hug, little good intention, promise or sweet talk will do ;)

But it is also very easy to get the girl sad... whether it is just a non-intended harsh word utter out of his mouth, a promise not fulfilled and many many more small little things..

anyway, i hope the issue solve and we would not have the same arguments again...

It's so cute of him to ask me to "ta kou kou" ( hook our last fingers to make a promise)...
He said he will try not to lose his temper so easily and make conclusion ( bad one most of the time) on my next action.

written on 17th August

Today...
I would need to face somethings i DONT wish to face!
haiz...it's expected..
It has been a few days of silent moment - cold war to be exact...but no action has been taken so far.
Today, no choice, but we need to put into action coz we will be having a family dinner tonite.

How do you want me to react?
I cant be angry or express myself loud coz it would be with my family...
I have to smile and act as if nothing happens - but this is just not my genuine feelings.
Why he has wait till such occasion then react? Is this his strategy? Coz i will be given no choice but to accept everything...

Sigh...i am tired...
i am tired for all the arguments that we had...
I am being blame for my bad temper...
I am being perceived as someone who is bad...who likes argument...who has bad temper...
I am tired of explaining my feelings or my intention..
What is the point of explaining when you are sentenced to death????

Written on: 14th August 2009

Thank god is Friday...for the next two days - i would be free from work.
Btw do i seem to work on weekdays? haha...
I wish i have tons of work to do...got work means got money!

Usually, if you have lots of work to be completed, you would make full use of Friday to do as much as you can, because you hope to start your day on next Monday with less work
The same as...if you have less work on Friday, you would tends to do nothing coz you hope you have at least some work to do on Monday...
hahaha....very lazy thoughts....

It has been awhile since i last written or visited my blog...

Sigh...this is always happening to me.
When everyone is free...i would be busy like hell..
when i am free ...i couldn't find anyone to listen to me...

I have been positive and very patient to work for things to change...
is it due to economic crisis or it's just me?
if it's due to economic condition, when is this going to change?
i hv stretched to my limit financially....

8 months in this job...is no longer new to me...
but i hv not learn much too...not because there isnt much info available, it's just that i hv no opportunity to learn..

Sales is different from office work...
i need to get out, meet people and get into action to learn!
I know what everyone is going to tell me "Dont wait for opportunity to come , go for it!"
But hey...i hv made cold calls, meet up with people but it still goes no where...
then my dear colleague or boss would tell me " you need to be patient in this field, build your base etc"

I know all these facts...but do they know that my feelings now...

My future seem uncertain...
What is certain is that my saving is drying...
I have stayed away from shopping malls...a place i would usually go during weekends for leisure, happiness or a place that i go to let go my frustration, sadness or loneliness
Now the best place is only home and gym...
I hv not been enjoying good or luxury food like i used to be...
I hv not been happily spending my $$
Everything involved $$ , i got to think twice...
Even now, going out for lunch with colleague is also my concern...
It is really depressing all these happening to me

I was lucky that people beside me is helping me out - finance me on my daily usage, meals and travelling...
I appreciate their help but i do feel bad spending their savings ...

All these should drive me to work hardly...
I did, I am doing...
somehow i just feel that motivation and drive is coming down..
motivation is propotional to savings ..believe it or not..

Gosh ...what is the best i should do now?
friends and family asked me a couple of times to consider other options.
But....i hv not put in my best effort! I just dont feel like giving up so easily...
How long more should i be patient? When should i put a stop?

I need a guideline....who can help me?