Only God knows how I feel...
The cut in my heart is so deep and day by day it hurts more and more..
He didn't bother to even cure it..

He asked me over and over again today.." So how long more we need to quarrel for?"

Me: did you even care? We have been so for a month and the only thing I hear from you is that " when are we going to end the war " and " how long more?". Do you care how I feel? Do u use ur heart to feel how I feel? Do u use ur heart to listen?".

He didnt respond but continue doing what he is doing?

I just hide myself under my blanket and cried. Really want to cried out loud but who hear me and who cares?

I turned to him and asked " may I ask one question: what is the most important thing in ur life. What is ur top priority?"

He said " to have a fAmily"

In my heart I was thinking... Do u know what u are saying? Do u said because u think it is the right thing to say?

Then he added" I just don't want to quarrel with u"

Me " I am not quarreling with u and don't use that as a reason for not doing anything. Just ask urself how much time and effort u allocate each day in 24 h to achieve what u call as most important thing in your life??. Tat answer your question.

U can't claim that it is the most important thing in ur life when u do nothing and hoping things will happen on its own. U can't claim that it is the most important thing to u when u didn't even bother to achieve it.

How could u said something that u didn't do!

I really don't understand. And am I the most important person in his heart for him to achieve a family?

I am very sure what I want in life that why I am pushing for things to happen but it doesn't involve me alone, it takes both hands to clap.

Don't I deserve to have a happy family with loving and caring husband? He doesn't think I deserve it that's why I am not getting it?

God... Why am I treated this way?

Mom reminded him that this year I need to celebrate my birthday in a big way but celebration didn't happen and there is not even an effort to replace or to re-celebrate for me. But his cousin past away, he was so down and was so worried that relatives comment on him not attending funeral bla bla bla.. And he makes sure he made it on the 7th day of the death. I am not even important compared to a death person. Our proposal postpone day aft day and till date, didn't accepted.. Does he has the urgency to make it happen? NO !! Does he needs to wait till I die then he will hv the urgency?

The last proposal he made was just so so heartlessly and he is so embarrased to kneel down or even to get a flower for me. He is not even proud to have me!

Till now I can still remember the heartless face and I really wonder if he really loves me. I can be sure if Vincent, he will be very proud to propose to me. Not because he is ego but he is proud to tell the whole world that he loves me and that he want to live with me for the entire life. But for daniel, I am not sure... Really not sure...can only see through his eyes that he feels embarrass... I am not sure if he really loves me and see me as his life partner.

I have so many ppl whether my friends, colleague, unknown people.. Come asking me almost everyday.. When am I getting married? How long hv u been in the relationship? Then ... They hv this weird look at me and ask... "Is ur relationship stabil?" ... "Is he serious on you?"

Why people even those who doesnt knows him or our relationship will ask this questions? Because ppl will be surprise that such many years relationship hasn't move to next level. Ppl is suprise that if the guy is serious and treasure the girl... He would be eager to want to get married to her and would worry that other guys may take her away.

But I really don't think he has that feeling on me.

The silent days we have make me realise that he cares nothing on me.

The reason for being silent is not wanting to quarrel with me is just a reason he gives to himself for doing nothing.

If a guy who truly loves a girl, he would definitely worry and care for the girl and will not wait for this long and yet still do nothing!

I become to see clearer each day how much I meant to him...