i emailed him twice on last weekend to express my feelings...
i hv run out of idea to express my feelings to him...basically i am speechless and helpless over things that happened to us.
he has taken things for granted and didnt appreciate my good intention..
i felt i hv lost myself...
i used to like to go shopping...
yeah it is true that i hardly could afford to buy/shop as i used to be...
but that doesn't mean that i do not like shopping.
i still wish to go shopping..but it never seems to be one of our weekend's activities.
So what have we been doing over the weekends? sleep, home, internet and gym...gym and home again....basically most are what he likes to do over weekends.
i hv entered to his lifestyle and i hv ost myself.

i love to explore for new and interesting food.
to be honest, if i am financially strong, i would go myself or with eunice or friends
unfortunately i am earning just enough for my daily meals..
so i tried to avoid meeting up my friends...
but i still wish he could bring me to explore new food.
it has been more than 1 year we are together and he has been promising me once, twice, and more..but no effort taken..
i started to miss myself and i want to go back to seek for myself...

After reading the emails, he did CARE for me more...
talk to me sweetly, hug me tight...

i like the most is when he hug me tight at night...
he would rest his face on my shoulder, nose and mouth facing my neck...
it's warm...

~Monday Blue~

I'm on Monday Blue...
a couple of my colleagues on holiday while some are out for app.
Only left a few in the office...
unfortunately my boss is also in the office otherwise i will be freely surfing internet...hahaha
he did assign work for me but i am so lazy to do it....
i wish time to go to gym....
i want to leave office early today...
i m not in the mood to work!

I can't wait to go to TAIWAN...looking forward to the trip ;) In fact, i'm thinking of next trip to Taiwan. I know we can't cover all of the places in Taiwan for one trip. So, i don't mind going there a few trips!

I hope my dad won't complain. Before he goes, he already starts complaining about the duration, weather, places etc etc and commented that he rather stay in hotel. What a pessimistic person! Although we hv expected him to react so when traveling with us, but we just can't help but feeling irritated about it! He would enjoy his trip without much complaint if this is with his friends but with us, he has thousand and one reason for every single place we go. Sigh, hope he doesn't spoil our mood. I really want to enjoy myself to fullest !

I had a long cried the night before yesterday...
tears rolling down uncontrollable...
it was a slow and dragging day on Monday with low momentum to work...moody feelings
the same old feelings of uncertainty of my work and income...should i continue or it's time to move? Do i fit the job?

Then it comes towards the end of the day, my dad called for a discussion. The announced that he is going to purchase a house for sis. Jokingly, he said is as for her wedding gift. Mom and aunt was laughing and said "she doesn't even have a bf yet. Hahaha...." But the first question i ask my dad is "What about me??" He said later. Then mom followed with " you can afford to pay the installment even dad purchase one for you."

YES they are RIGHT. I can't even afford to pay for it so what am i hoping for?
i know dad will definately buy one for me but just not now because i am not prepare to do so.
My current financial situation doesn't permit me to invest or even for me to survive.

I see many successful people who earn tons of millions in property line BUT there are more who fail. Which will i end up be? I'm not young anymore and i can't afford to waste more time
What should I do?

It has been raining since morning...
From the office, it looks like snowing outside.. The rain is tiny and you would have even realise it's raining if you are in the office.
not many ppl in the office early of the day...your could hardly hear a phone rings..
the whole environment in the office is calm and peaceful.
I feel relaxed aft hectic days last week but i dont feel calm and peace..
haha...you must be thinking i am insane- a person who doesn't know how to enjoy life.
if you are in my position, you will understand how i feel.
every minute is money to me. I wish i am busy and able to close case and earn some bucks.
haha

today, i was talking to my colleague about her and my past work experience...
then later, my team's colleague asked

Lucky girl: Hey, you thought of leaving ar?
Me : Why do you ask so?
Lucky girl: No i overheard both of your conversation about jobs etc
Me : Ooo...we are just talking about our past experience only
Lucky girl: OIC...I thought u intend to leave
Me : Hmm...why would you think so?
Lucky girl: No la...not market also not very good ma
Me : Ya lo...you can survive meh with only your basic??
Lucky girl: Oh ya,,,,i can. i dont spend much one.
Me : In my heart "yeah..definately la, all her expenses and financial commitment is taken
care by her bf. Of course no worries la. Otherwise how a person can survive with
RM 2,000 only

Haih...Am i making the right decision to continue to stay? People surrounding has been persuading me to consider of changing job...my family and friends particularly.
I took a big courage to move out from corporate world, do i want to give up so easily? If i insist of staying, would i be earning good money? or am i just wasting my time? What is my destiny?

He pleaded for another chance...
I ask "How many more do you need?"
He said "One...i will prove to you that i love you and you are important to me and will be my 1 st priority"

Fine...since i hv given so many chances...i dont mind in giving another one..
i really hope i m significant to his heart and he keep his words

* Hoping for miracles to happen *

Hope is getting weaker...

Is silent the BEST remedy?

He din contact me and i also don't feel like contacting him. Why?
i don't know what to say when i contact him
i don't know how to react when he is silent
and
why should i contact him if he doesn't?
for the mistake he made, he expect me to contact him?

Today is just not my day...
hmmm....not today...this morning...
i have not end my day yet...maybe later today, my luck would be better.

I woke up damn late ( my sis didnt wake me up before she left to work)
my dog is not tied ( my aunt left it un-tied)
i tied my dog and the chain came off...and he is jumping hi and low to get out of the house...
then the contractor next to my hse advise me to move daddy's car as the contraction work may damage the car...
i was sweating early in the morning rushing out and handling the unnecessary matter...
i ended up open the door big to release his wish to get out.
i Left home at 8.55am...so damn late!
the traffic is extremely bad...i arrive office at 9.45 am! Almost an hour late to work!

Me and him had an argument again...
i realised that i wasnt his first priority...
to be exact, i knew it from the very first but now i accept the fact that i am NOT.
Too many incident to prove me right!
i am no longer angry
no longer gets crazy and do insane stuff...
i am calm and quiet not knowing what to do or to say anymore
i wrote an email 2 days ago- expressing my feelings- very straight forward...
however the next day, i went to his email acc and deleted the email!
Will i be too harsh to do so? Should i care for his feelings? This is why i decided to delete the email and swallow the whole damn shit
But he left me unattended now ....makes me feel regretted to delete the email.
i care for his feelings...do he care for me?

this sunday is my family event and i guess he will wait to this sunday...till i have no choice but to give in...
i hate this approach!