He just sms me " It's raining quite heavy in Klang. If it does in KL, drive safely"

The message sounds sweet...
Too bad..it's otherwise when we are having our silent war nw.
Like what i hv said, he will think and care for you when he is free
But when I need his care and love most....he is missing in action!
How do we handle this?

I dont know what is next?
Of course i expect he puts in more effort to persuade me like doing or getting me something special
but let's not hope much....Usually he just talk or appear in front of you expecting everything is alright....
Just pray miracle to happen...

Can i have a break and have a peace of mind?
I am exhausted with work and life. Internally pressured with work. No case close - no income. No income - everything is a prob . I have to rely on ppl beside me for my living and entertainment.
I cant seek the solution at home coz i am old enough to take care of my financial and i should leave my parents no worries about me.

Sometimes the pressure comes when my dad feels insecure about our commitment to him. If we are late in giving allowance, he will start grumbling. Honestly my allowance is not even enough for for his 1 trip to genting! So what is the big deal. If i am late in giving him money for the car repairs, he again grumble. lately he is so temperamental in everything. He gets angry whn ppl disobey. Angry when ppl advise him. Angry whenever he wants. Haiz, I dare not put myself into trouble since i am already filled with all sorts of trouble. So, i always stay in room and avoid seeing him.

So i hv very high hope in my love relationship. I hope to be pampered and care all the time. I hope he can give me some security and peacefulness in my heart and soul. But sad to say, we always hit into arguments.

Who can tell me what i should look forward to? Seems all chapters in my life has no good ending.

I always ask when can this changed? I tried very hard to be positive at work, talk less at home to avoid mistake and give in most time in the arguments i hv with my bf. But nothing change, all still remains bad.

Luckily i have my sis - otherwise i am lifeless.

Almost every weekends, we will hit into arguments or disagreement, when can we end this? I am getting tired and if this continues, i am not sure how long more can i last.

Maybe all this while he is a free bird - no one control and no commitment. He do what he likes and walk the life the way he wants to. Sometimes i do wonder if he is ready to settle down at ground. He always ask me to give him time. Not that i didnt but it has been more than a year but everything seem unchanged. I will be glad if he make the first move or initiative to change but not as expected.

My instinct may be wrong but it is so strong that is undeniable. Many incidents have proved me right. But i dont know how to deliver the message to him. He will never agree or admit. His 1st priority is always HIMSELF!

For instance, he wanted to meet up with his ex colleague for a farewell celebration this weekend- Sat ( yesterday). I wanted to follow him back to Malacca but not joining his colleague because no one know about us. last week he promised that he will include me in his weekend plans and will inform me once he decided. I waited until last thurs, nothing is mentioned to me. Fine ! So i asked on Fri morning. He then told me that his boss just sms him this morning that there is a prayer event on fri evening so he may not going to join his ex-colleague. Most probably will join them in Malacca on Sat morning. In the evening, he said he is still busy at work. Aft work, when i asked, he then told me that he will be joining the ex-colleague immediately because they keep calling. I was frustrated! really frustrated. How many times, he changes his plans and each time the plan was changed , i was not informed! Why I only get to know about it after asking him in depth? If i am his priority, he will cares about me, my feelings and my worries. If i am his priority, he will inform me before he decide or immediately aft he decide. BUt that was not the case. When i got frustrated then he gave so many reasons that he cant inform me etc etc. I am not in favor to listen to it anymore.

Then the next day, he sms-ed me that he has to go Klang to finish his un-done work. Fine....but no sms or call aft that single sms. Whole day i am waiting...and waiting and waiting. Looking at my hp every minute. At last i gave in and sms him. He then told me that he is busy and the boss is beside me. When i am working in previous company - i was so occupied with work and always work till late nite. He is angry and we hitted into big arguments. When i newly joined this company, i rarely sms him, he is angry and again we had a huge arguments. I changed to at least sms or call him when i am at work. If he doesnt like to be treated in this way, why does he treats me so???

I gave in again...before i went for dinner, i sms him in case he wanted to join. But when he called

Him: What happen?
Me: What what happen?
Him: Why u din pick up my calls?
Me: I am driving just nw ( i dont hv handsfree which he promise to buy for me 6 months ago)
Him: U know i cant go dinner with u right? U know i need to go back to malacca right?
Me: ?????? How do i know? I wasnt even informed about anything?
Him: I left my stuff in malacca, i definately need to go back wat
Me: How can u assume that i know everything when i was not even informed? How do i know that u still go home aft overnite wit your ex-colleague for the celebration? How do i know u left your stuff at home and u need to go home? U called and assume that i know everything? What kind of attitude u have when u call me?
Him: I am very tired with my work and i dont want to talk about all this
Me: Then we dont talk. bye

I am really really angry and sad. This is HIM. Whn he is at wrong, the first thing he do is to point at u as if u are wrong. I feel so innocent and be blame for all causes.

When he is free, he wants to cares and want to know everything about u . But when he is busy or occupy with his stuff, he dont care and wont ask about u .

We have gone into silent moment again today. I dont know what will happen next. I guess is again his sweet words and promise not to repeat and i will give in eventually. I am so tired and bored to listen to all his promises but nothing has put into action. I am not 16 years old girl in puppy love. Today listen to sweet words or promises and tomorrow we can forget what we have said. At this age of mine, i look forward to stability and security.

With him, i am never in peace. My heart is either rush to the top of happiness OR being push down to ground from the top. I am tired and I am no longer looking for such kind of love. With my ex-bf, i always have a piece of mind. He gives me the security and assurance. I hv never worry or ask much about his activities because i know that i am his 1 st priority and he will keep me informed in everything he wanna do or has done. He will discuss with me most of the thing before he make a decision although he knows he is still the decision maker.

But with my current bf, i am worry high and low. I always guess and guess what he is thinking or going to do. I always hope that he will change as what he has promised. I have even come to a stage where i beg him to fullfil what he had said and put his focus on the reality. Stop flying on sky and it's time to land on the ground. It's time that he gives ppl an assurance of his life, work and love. I would say, he is the luckiest guy in my life...the guy that i gave in most whenever we have an argument, the guy that i will still call him when we hit into argument, the guy that i cried and filled with pain most but still give in at last. I am always the luckiest women when i am with my ex, i really hope one day i will become the luckiest women again. I am just an ordinary lady that requires a partner to pamper, love and care all time.

Ppl said - dont expect to change a guy. Is that true?
Or...I am still not the person he loves and care most. If i am the person he loves and cares most,he will definately do anything for her.
His mine is filled with memories of his life in Taiwan and US but very little bout us. Very little about things he has to do for me. Very little about things he has promised me. That's why he doesnt put in his heart whatever he has said to me or promise to do for me.

Of course he is not that bad. For the specialties of traveling, i do feel great to have him. He brings me to experience and travel to many places but...if we want to own a family of our own, there are more then this that i am looking for. I am looking for a steady, stabil and secure partner! I really hope he is working towards this direction...

Why she is so lucky? She has all the cases closed without much hassle and effort. She has client calling her to look for office space even at bad times. She always secure the highest commission just because landlord willing to pay more for her tenant. Why things seem to be so easy for her and not for me and others? Is she lucky or what?

In terms of effort, discipline and professionalism, i am not losing to her. The only things i could think of is her luck. So when is mine? Or would i be fated with such luck? Am i designated to be in this field? Chinese fortune believe everyone's path is fated. So there are certain jobs that fits you and may not fit others. If this is true then what job fit me? Am i fated to be in this field?

We had a happy time for the last two days in Genting..
Although we lost in Casino but we do hv fun together...

Everything was going very well until yesterday evening. We suppose to go to Sg Lembing ( Panorama Hill) for hiking today at 2am . In fact it is just 25min away.

We got back home at about 5 pm and wanted to get some rest and sleep early for the early travel. He wanted to get online and claimed that he needs to find some info for the hiking. Of course, with such reason i cant complaint much. Also, it is too early to get to sleep.

I know he must be going into poker and was telling him not to otherwise he will stuck in poker and push the info search till last minute and this will eventually hit into late sleep. Honestly i really dislike the fact that he is addicted to poker. Everyday, if he has a chance to get online, the first thing he do is to log in to facebook poker. He plays pokers aft dinner, during weekends and public holidays. He will stuck in poker and start neglect ppl, feelings and other important things to be done. I really dont like time to be wasted in such a way. Poker is just an entertainment game which one shall not get addicted.

When he plays poker,
1) he dont listen when u talk to him
2) he join family conversation by hugging the laptop with poker games on
3) Neglect things to be done eg find information for travelling, work etc.

He promised me that he will go online and search for information on good and special food for us to explore. He target to look for 3 places of food each day. But it has been more than 3 months, i dont think he found any yet.

Why a person can get addicted to poker till such an extend? We always hit into arguments due to poker. I get irritated when i see him play poker all the time. There is once where he promise not to touch poker for 3 months but in less than 3 days, he played again. He promise numerous time that he wont play poker again but again and again , this promise is broken. To avoid dissappointment, I told him that i am not stopping him from poker but just hope that he reduce playing poker and starts to focus on real life. But this dont even work! I am very sad...coz this is just such an small matter which i hate to enter into argument.

Today , he said there is nothing to argue about. It is just a poker game ! Of course, he dont realise that what he has cause and neglect with such addiction. How much attention, feelings and life that he has ignored.

I was dissappointed but today i am going for hiking with my parents together and i really wouldnt want to spoilt the mood.

I just had a talk with him. I told him about my feelings but he just turn away from me. He is never a listener. He just want ppl to listen and understand him but not the other way round. That's why he doesnt understand and feel how others felt. That;s why he doesnt changed!

I walked out the room and returned to ask him, how can we resolved this issue but he so heartless and told me off . " I cant get a good sleep with such noisy environment downstairs. You just keep quiet ( lu tiam tiam la), it;s so fan!"

I just felt as if my heart was hardly hit and it just smashed into pieces.
I come with a good intension to resolve the issue and avoid such argument to drag to the travel, but this is what i gotten???

What can i say more?

I lost one case ...expected! A big case in fact but expected because they have been dragging the time to give us a confirmation...at last they take our survey to negotiate a better rental with the landlord. As mentioned, expected they will do so.
Although i hv the most cases compared to my colleagues...but none seems serious! How long more should I be patient?
I have this horrible feelings that I will not be able to close most of the case. Not because I hv no confident to work for it but is the prospect's response- they dont seem serious! Sigh, but i still need to work and provide them all the information. I did alot of work for them but at the end I get nothing. But what can i do? I have no choice! In this market condition, i have to do. If i dont do, others do and get it, then i will lose the job!

Today, a colleague of mine secretly told me that he will resign. There are 3 of us in the team.One has been fully assigned to a project. Now, another one leaving. Left with 2 (including me ). Less competition ...but what to compete also la...not much serious case to close also. I know management is looking for more resources from time to time...