i am going for scuba diving tomorrow !!!

Scuba Scuba Scuba....

I always wish to go for scuba diving...at last i hv the opportunity but why i dont feel the excitement now.
Perhaps i hv not finish my scuba book...i feel the pressure and tension...
This book was handed to me 3 months ago but i only started reading it 2 weeks ago...i deserve it! No complaint!

I heard many interesting, unforgettable moments diving experience but i also heard many incidents causes death and danger to life...
The fear started to take over the excitement portion

can i make it?
you will know by next Tuesday!

Last weekend, a small argument happened between us again. After we cool down,

Me : Can you be more sensitive and care for my feelings?
Him : YES
Me : Can you take a step more to pujuk ( coax) me, rather than sitting/lying down at one location
and keep asking me (1) what happen o? (2) why are you like this? (3) i said sorry already lo.
It feels like very little effort is taken
Him : YES
Him : Ta kou kou
Me : * Shake my head ( relunctant to ta kou kou for a small little things which i have mentioned a
few times. If everything also ta kou kou then it become habitual and taken lightly.

But at last i gave in to ta kou kou. hmm..i hope he takes it seriously.

I have yet to change my temper/attitude fully. There are a couple of times which I lost my temper over small issue and quickly resolve it. Also, a couple of times which I control my temper. Maybe PMS or money pressure or scuba pressure!

I have been wanted to go to temple for past 2 weeks but have yet to go. I feel like buying fruits or flowers to temple and pray for calmness, thanksgiving etc etc

I feel luck is coming to me 2 weeks ago....but nw i have this mix feelings. My fear is growing stronger lately ..the luck seems weak and it's so hard to grab hold of it.
Gosh i hope this negative feelings is not true....

Is my luck coming??
haha...i can feel it and i hope this is TRUE...pls prove to me it is...
It started from....

1. I receive an unexpected payment. It was a follow up work left by previous colleague - which was to chase for payment! It is my lowest priority and least expected closure ( coz supposely to be entitled for the payment, tenancy agreement needs to be executed, however, the previous Landlord is kind enough to give us a fee for the effort/work done.
2. One of my colleague is assigned to handle a marketing project ( which was offered to me but i decline) on full scale basis. Therefore, all the cases the he is handling have to pass down to others. Obviously i am happy because i got the most and i would consider the best prospect. Cross my fingers that i am able to close the case....i really need $$ badly...

I really hope this lucky list will continue to grow longer with good outcome....I need a sustainable progressing career and income ;)

I want to go Tien Hou Kong pai pai....
Because i made a wish more than half a year ago...
and the advise i received is to be patient because the day will be brighten starting Sept...

I have been waiting long for this moment...I hope this come true ;)

I am very happy yesterday...

hmm...
it's very easy to make a girl happy... just a tight hug, little good intention, promise or sweet talk will do ;)

But it is also very easy to get the girl sad... whether it is just a non-intended harsh word utter out of his mouth, a promise not fulfilled and many many more small little things..

anyway, i hope the issue solve and we would not have the same arguments again...

It's so cute of him to ask me to "ta kou kou" ( hook our last fingers to make a promise)...
He said he will try not to lose his temper so easily and make conclusion ( bad one most of the time) on my next action.

written on 17th August

Today...
I would need to face somethings i DONT wish to face!
haiz...it's expected..
It has been a few days of silent moment - cold war to be exact...but no action has been taken so far.
Today, no choice, but we need to put into action coz we will be having a family dinner tonite.

How do you want me to react?
I cant be angry or express myself loud coz it would be with my family...
I have to smile and act as if nothing happens - but this is just not my genuine feelings.
Why he has wait till such occasion then react? Is this his strategy? Coz i will be given no choice but to accept everything...

Sigh...i am tired...
i am tired for all the arguments that we had...
I am being blame for my bad temper...
I am being perceived as someone who is bad...who likes argument...who has bad temper...
I am tired of explaining my feelings or my intention..
What is the point of explaining when you are sentenced to death????

Written on: 14th August 2009

Thank god is Friday...for the next two days - i would be free from work.
Btw do i seem to work on weekdays? haha...
I wish i have tons of work to do...got work means got money!

Usually, if you have lots of work to be completed, you would make full use of Friday to do as much as you can, because you hope to start your day on next Monday with less work
The same as...if you have less work on Friday, you would tends to do nothing coz you hope you have at least some work to do on Monday...
hahaha....very lazy thoughts....

It has been awhile since i last written or visited my blog...

Sigh...this is always happening to me.
When everyone is free...i would be busy like hell..
when i am free ...i couldn't find anyone to listen to me...

I have been positive and very patient to work for things to change...
is it due to economic crisis or it's just me?
if it's due to economic condition, when is this going to change?
i hv stretched to my limit financially....

8 months in this job...is no longer new to me...
but i hv not learn much too...not because there isnt much info available, it's just that i hv no opportunity to learn..

Sales is different from office work...
i need to get out, meet people and get into action to learn!
I know what everyone is going to tell me "Dont wait for opportunity to come , go for it!"
But hey...i hv made cold calls, meet up with people but it still goes no where...
then my dear colleague or boss would tell me " you need to be patient in this field, build your base etc"

I know all these facts...but do they know that my feelings now...

My future seem uncertain...
What is certain is that my saving is drying...
I have stayed away from shopping malls...a place i would usually go during weekends for leisure, happiness or a place that i go to let go my frustration, sadness or loneliness
Now the best place is only home and gym...
I hv not been enjoying good or luxury food like i used to be...
I hv not been happily spending my $$
Everything involved $$ , i got to think twice...
Even now, going out for lunch with colleague is also my concern...
It is really depressing all these happening to me

I was lucky that people beside me is helping me out - finance me on my daily usage, meals and travelling...
I appreciate their help but i do feel bad spending their savings ...

All these should drive me to work hardly...
I did, I am doing...
somehow i just feel that motivation and drive is coming down..
motivation is propotional to savings ..believe it or not..

Gosh ...what is the best i should do now?
friends and family asked me a couple of times to consider other options.
But....i hv not put in my best effort! I just dont feel like giving up so easily...
How long more should i be patient? When should i put a stop?

I need a guideline....who can help me?