Only God knows how I feel...

Stop crying ... Don't cry anymore... Why cry for someone who doesn't care...

U r crying and he is enjoying his life...
His mind is all bout holiday and he is so excited on his US trip..

He come to me and ask for forgiveness bcoz dad spoke to him??? If not he wouldn't even take action??

Is this what he promise that he will change and put me in priority? You are being cheated again. U r such a fool!

Looking at the roses today.. They are getting tired. Many has given up. Regardless how strong the flowers are, there is life in it. If the life in the flower is getting weak, it will rather give up. Another day of life meanings nothing...

Lying on the bed... With lots of memories flashing in mind my, my tears just automatical rolling down. Me crying here, he is having fun out there. How unfair world could this be. The choice is urs... I can choose a better life.

Looking at the dark red roses...standing strong and firm in the vase...like my heart

i recall a lot of moments...happy and sad...

I was so so busy this morning and a colleague of mine asking me to go to the receiption counter as someone looking for me. I saw a BIG bouquet of flowers- red roses.

I know its from him... With a message "please forgive me"

When I walked in to the off, all colleague looking at me asking me all sorts of questions

What special occassion ???
What specialday??
Anniversary??

So so many more... I just shake my head and said no special occassion...

Too many ppl at different time and event asking me

At last I can't take it and said " not for any happy thing"

Then they asked " so its an appology flowers- so r u happy now and forgive him?

I just shake my head with a smile to hide my sadness...

I didn't look at the flowers when it arrives. Later on the day before I left the office, I had a closer look at the roses... I don't like roses but these roses are really nice and quality roses- stands out strong and firm - dark marroon red..

It is really a beautiful bouquet.. It's 24 stalks...

This is my 4th time receiving flower/s from him

First was on my first birthday celebration - it was 3 stalks of roses

Second was my last day in Unilever

Third was an appology flowers

Fourth is the same appology flowers

Flowers should be given on special occasions and happy reasons but not in my case for the last two times..

I dun receive flowers on my birthday..not even a celebration or a cake

I dun receive flowers on valentine

I dun receive flowers on anniversary

I dun hv a flower when he propose... And I still can't forget the hesitated and embarrassed look at the restaurant in Athens when he proposed.

If this flowers arrive at the early stage of our arguments , I think I may still think about it..

Not at the last stage when I requested for him to move out...only he started to do something which is flowers..become meaningless to me... Both of my legs are on another side of the road and it is too small an effort from him to ask me to return. The damage that he has done to my heart is not something that can be heal with roses. And let the damages to turn worse by not doing anything for the past 2.5 months.


He dropped me a sms before he left to Taiwan for holiday again ..


"I am boarding now.....really hope I can be with you forever. As long as you can forgive me. I will whole heartedly do what ever you want. Love you June, always do."

I do not need him to do whatever I want..
I just need him to use his heart in this relationship and keep every single words he said.

When I newly know him, I was very impress that he remembere every single thing I said.

But now, not only he can't remember mine but he don't even remembered what he has promised

Really I dun see his heart for this relationship...

I really can't...

It never the last tears... It's so hard to make it the last tears...

Driving to work or back from work is the worst moment to be in...
Tears just rolling down automatically without any control...

I recall what happened yesterday...
When mom ask me early in the morning

Mum: I wan to ask u something
Me : don't ask
Mum: what happen to u and him?
Me : dun ask. I dowan to say anything...
Mum: whatever it is u need to solve the prob?
Me : why? Why? Why is it me that always tat the initiative to solve all our problems! He can leave the prob for 2-3 months..it shows that I am not important to him
Mum: what actually happen to u and him? U keep everything to urself
Me : dun ask anymore. I really dowan to say anything
Mum: u got to also find a solution. U keep everything to urself also u dun feel happy...

She just walk out the room. My tears uncontrollable rolling down, I know she is very sad to see me sad...
I am sorry to make u sad mom...

Yeah... I need a solution and I have been keeping everything to myself without sharing to anyone - not even my sis.

I can't take everything on my own anymore

I text him and ask him to move out when he is free.

he asked " u can't forgive me, don't u?

Later he said " I will move out after US trip"

Later he asked " how bout the SD 7 house?"

The only question I answer was the house. I told him that I can take it if he doesn't want it or we can sell off the house"

He asked " do v need to go to this stage"

Why keep asking me all these questions.. When u should been asking urself these and what hv u done or should do.

He will only start to look into our relationship after the US trip..after he enjoy his holiday and less busy with work only he will start doing something for our relationship? Don't u think it is very unfair? Don't u think he is so damn selfish ??

I won't let the house to tie me down. Won't even take the reason to get back to him due to the house. Is my whole life happiness... How would I agree to get back due to just the house.

I really wan to cry ...

Yesterday was 11.11.11
The day he first promise to hv our wedding day

I m very sad till I hv no words for him

Silent...silent..silent...
Silently moving myself to new chapter..

I can't live with a person who claim tat he loves me and will build a future wit me but till date do merely nothing to save this relationship..
Don't gv me the reason of busy ..
Don't gv me the reason of sick..
My heart is sick for so long...do u care?
If I dun deserve ur care....why should I give u mine too..

More than 2 months not saving any money to our acc...
Wat's the reason? Bcos I didn't nag u to do so?
How could I rely on such a guy to take care of me and my future family?
I cant ask my child to go hunger for 2 months right?
Where goes the sense of responsibility?


I hv woke up from my dream and face reality...
Getting tougher each day...
Today will b my last tears for this relationship...

Sick people gets lots of attention and sympathy frm ppl coz ppl see it...
Healthy ppl doesn't mean they r ok just bcos u ppl dun see it....
They may hv a sick heart ...tat nobody knows except themselves ...