My last post was re ah ma discharged from hosp.

Latest update: ah ma passed away 2 weeks ago...

I felt bad that i wasn't by her side when she passed away..only aunt did.
that is the only regret i have..
I know she is tired already. She had been fighting for her life for many many years and this time she wanted a long term rest. I understand.

Time moving real quick.
Without realizing, we are half a year in next 2 weeks...
... what have i done so far
... what am i going to do next
... what i want for my future

i had a conversation with Daniel last weekend. Not the first time i brought up this subject. Each time, I asked if he has thought about OUR future, he said loudly that he did and he has plan for it!.As a lady, it's not normal to be the one who raise it up, but i admit that i did it due to desperate.

I discussed with him on OUR FUTURE however, it a disappointing conversation...
Started unprepared, unpleasant and ended up unhappily

He uttered any possible reasons, proposals and solutions..nothing concrete or with serious thoughts in it..
He said

1) he cant afford to purchase a property " i disagree with this. With his current income, he should be able to purchase a house and we have been talking about property to buy for the past few months"

2) he cant afford to buy RM 800,000 - 1 mil house "i didn't asked him to buy such high end property"

3) he prefers condo " i thought we had a discussion before and i told him i prefer landed property and he agreed. Instead, he suggested a small landed property with some land"

4) he want to stay at his subang property " i told him before that i hv concern on the location of the property. It's too far from my parents house. they are getting older and i hope to stay nearby in case anything happen to them. Also it's nearer if we would like to go home for dinner or we need help on our kids in future"

5) he commented our relationship is JUST 2 years and still early " Does he has doubt in our relationship to move another step further? If we were young, i dont mind taking our sweet time but i am not young anymore and i really want to build my own family. I wouldnt want to give birth at mid or late 30s. He is not young too. Maybe is never an issue for him. But his parents are old too..at their 70s."

6) in addition he added that his boss sees a bright future in him as some regional sale managers are retiring next 2.5 -4 years "is he telling me to wait for another 3-5 years?"

He changed his words, proposal and promises each time we talked. How do you expect me to trust him?

No secure feelings for me..EMPTY FUTURE

I have lost reasons to convince myself on him. Mandy always has the thoughts that Daniel is NOT the guy for me. I always dream of having a happy family however her impression on Daniel is that he is NOT firm and NOT prepare to build a family. I always thought I am RIGHT but I hate myself for what is happening now proving Mandy is right.